My partner and I had been together over 25 years. He was 61 at time of death. On the evening of his death we had a huge fight as I just found out he was having an affair with another women. He desperately asked me to forgive him but I was so angry I just did not want to listen to what he had to say. Shortly after we went to bed he got up, took something out of his side chest of tables and went into the computer room. I waited a little as I calmed down by then and went to see what he was doing. The door of the computer room was slightly opened and I pushed it fully open. He was sitting on a chair with a shot gun between his legs with string attached from his toe to the trigger of the shotgun. Before I could say anything he pulled the trigger with his toe and shot himself in the head. His whole head and blood was splattered all over me and the room from top to bottom. I screamed and screamed and screamed running outside screaming for help. Nobody heard me. I had to ring the Police but my partner pulled the phone line out of the wall. I grabbed my mobile phone to call them and they came almost immediately. What I saw has absolutely traumatised me and I have terrible nightmares. The worst was I had to pay specialised cleaners to come and clean all the mess and to make it cheaper for myself I assisted them with the clean up. I had no choice financially. I do blame myself which I know I shouldn- but I keep thinking IF ONLY we did not have that huge fight he would still be alive. My thoughts and emotions are running rampant of what I could have done, what I should have done, what I should have said and tormenting myself with the why- and the if-. I am angry that nobody wants to help me. I am angry that nobody seems to care. I am angry at him for doing what he did. I am angry that I can- talk about what happened. I am so angry it seems to be consuming me. At least the White Wreath Association -ction Against Suicide has listened to my concerns and totally understands what I am going through. I have sent the White Wreath Association a photo of my partner and through them my partner will always be remembered on White Wreath Day-In Remembrance of All Victims of Suicide
Footnote:- We checked out this person’s story regarding paying of cleanup and to our amazement the person did assist so cost of cleanup would be cheaper. We also discovered that the Government will compensate a family member up to $3,000 for cleanup if it is a murder/homicide and the tragedy happened in a home environment. However not so for a family member like the person in question who was also an innocent bystander and witnessed in front of them the most horrific suicide imaginable. The above is only a condensed version as the letter was much more detailed and explicit. How often have we explained the difference in understanding and compassion towards Mental Illness/Suicide compared to any other Death/Illness. This is a prime example that comes directly from Government. We did contact the Attorney-General & Minister for Justice Department to -lease Explain- and as usual the cold attitude that they can- do anything is frightfully sickening. We have stated many times that collectively Government Politicians/Advisers can do and change anything they want to. I Fanita Clark as Head of our Organisation receive horrific stories on a daily basis via phone, letters, emails etc but this is the worst I have ever come across that a person/human being be treated in this manner. In the meantime this person is so traumatised but has to suffer alone, in silence and cope the best way they possibly can. If this is possible.